This is what I am now.

I’m beat. I’ve been beat all day.

The day previous to my writing this, I was in the hospital. Lung infection. It was grand, let me tell you.

Today I knew I wouldn’t get much done. And it’s true; I haven’t. In my “day job” I’m a minister. It’s still where I spend most of my time, and gratefully. I’ve been very blessed to serve where I am. However, that work requires a lot of time and energy. Writing a sermon is not a simple matter. Visiting hurting people can’t be done when you’re distracted. However, given that I’m in recovery, I wasn’t expecting to do a whole lot. And it’s true; I didn’t do a whole lot today.

Writing isn’t a simple matter, either. Creating worlds out of thoughts takes effort and energy and can leave a person exhausted. Which means I didn’t expect to do much writing today, either.

And yet, here I am. This post marks more than 2000 words written. Now, that’s not a great day of writing for me, but it’s a far cry from nothing!

And it reveals something to me:

I was able to conjure up the energy to write. I wasn’t pushing myself. I wasn’t getting nosebleeds or hemorrhaging or anything to push these words out. It was still work, mind you, but it was work that could be accomplished.

In fact, I was able to do more writing than I was doing ministry.

I tried to do some worship planning for upcoming weeks. I already had the themes of the services planned out. All I had to do was pick an appropriate number of songs for each service out of a list of selected songs.

That was too much for me. My brain could not hold the concepts of service themes and matching them to music. I set it aside fairly quickly.

I was supposed to write the rough draft of a sermon. I already have a 600 word outline; the sermon itself I aim to be between 1500 and 1800 words. In other words, it wouldn’t be a lot of work.

Again, my brain said, “Nope! Not gonna happen!”

And today I’m not pushing myself.

But writing for non-ministry purposes? I’m able to do this. Here; this post proves it!

This situation tells me something interesting: My brain is formatting so that writing is still work, but less work than ministry. I’m becoming more and more a writer and less and less a minister.

That doesn’t mean I’m leaving the ministry. At least, not yet! That day may well come, though I suspect it’s many years in the future yet.

It does mean I need to be careful. I love writing. Dreaming up worlds of fiction to tell stories has been something I’ve done for a long, long time. But I can’t let my writing get in the way of serving as a minister, either. Writing is still work, but it’s not my “day job.”

I still find it interesting, though, that I can do this but not plan worship when I’m bone tired.

I guess this is what I am now.

I’m a writer.

Well. Probably should be getting back to the writing then, huh?

Published by Jon

Jon lives in Kentucky with his wife and an insanity of children. (A group of children is called an insanity. Trust me.)

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